April 30, 2014 – Still living and laughing: Dave Barry

Dave Barry (born July 3, 1947) is a Pulitzer-winning American author and columnist, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for The Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody. as well as comedic novels. And, he’s still alive today!

                                                   

“Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.” 

“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”

 “It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.”

 “The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.”

 “Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”

 “‘Escargot’ is French for ‘fat crawling bag of phlegm’.”

And who in the world could possibly disagree with this one???

 “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’”

Want more of Dave Barry? Go to https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/6245.Dave_Barry